Today was the most scariest day of my entire life. It was all supposed to go so smoothly, and so easy going. But unfortunately my family has never been blessed with very good luck with anything.
My dad was getting a certain surgery done today. He was supposed to be in and out in about 2 hours max. Which is what happened. But his case was worst than most everybody else. It was the worst case his doctors ever seen. When he woke up for discharge he was in so much pain. They fed him meds on an empty stomach. Finally we were on the way home. Mom in the back, me driving and dad in the passenger seat. I was pulling up to the stop light to get on the highway when dad told mom to hand him an empty bag, implying he needed to vomit. I said “do you need me to pull over?” He said no. So I said well if you do let me know, and I didn’t hear a response. Instead out of the corner of my eye his arms dropped to his lap. I looked over and his eyes were rolled into the back of his head. I pulled the car over as fast as I could while I was screaming his name. He wouldn’t answer me. So I told mom to call an ambulance while I was shaking him. But what happens? Her phone freezes when she went to open it. Of course it did. So I pulled my phone out and noticed he started to convulse. I thought he was seizing because his eyes were completely open so I didn’t think he was just passing out. I was slapping him in the face really hard and kept screaming but I got no response. Yet he was looking me in the eyes the entire time. With this lifeless lala land look. I swear it looked like I was watching his soul being taken from his body. I thought I was going to lose my dad. Luckily the 911 call went smoothly and the paramedics showed up about 10 minutes later. He looked right at me and tilted his head almost as if he didn’t know who I was and didn’t even know who he was or where he was at. After the hospital kept him for testing and morphine he was released and now we’re finally home. I don’t know how I handled the situation so calmly and smooth. If it was anybody else I wouldn’t of been able to handle it the way I did. And this is why I think I handled it the way I did.
When dad looked at me with that blank look time stopped. Even though it all happened so fast, there was one point where I went silent and looked at him while he stared at me lifeless. Even though it was only a second, time literally stopped and I went into a whole different world. It was almost like an out of body experience. Everything went blank and my whole entire life flashed before my eyes. Literally every single shitty memory I have. My whole outlook on life changed in that split moment that time stood still. I realized so much. All my life I’ve worried so much about things that couldn’t amount to how worried I was when dad went out today. Seeing him like that made me see that I’ve put way too much effort into things I should never have cared about.
Every job that Ive hated. Every dumb girl that’s fucked me over. Worrying that my girlfriend is cheating on me. Having all these trust issues with everyone. Everytime life didn’t give me what I wanted. Every friend I’ve ever had that stabbed me in the back. Everytime I felt scared to go to a show because I didn’t want to get jumped. Hanging onto things that didn’t give a shit about me just because I was comfortable.
None of that should’ve ever even mattered. Because nothing mattered as much as the thought of losing my dad. All of that ran through me in literally a half of a second. I’m just so thankful he’s okay right now. My stomach is in knots from how much of a nightmare today’s been. But fuck it, I’m just so glad I still have my father here. I feel like I was there today for a reason. My purpose today was to be there for him just incase something like this was going to happen. I keep checking on him because I don’t want to walk upstairs and he be laid out on the floor without anyone there.
I need to stop stressing over things that really don’t matter at all. Because nothing, NOTHING matters more than my mom and dad.
I think it’s safe to say Milo had a wonderful birthday yesterday. 😊 They grow up so fast😢 lolol. #birthday #dog #dude #dogsofinstagram #guy #guyswithtattoos #pug #plugs #puppy #piercings #stretchedears #snapback #tats #tatted #tattoo #tattoos #milo #doggy
